i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
