my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
