So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
