apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
