your parents love me but you hate me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
organizing the empties. That sober.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
please don't ironically join a cult
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