does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
