Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
