why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
