just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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