Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
