You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
