I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. Iām going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize