Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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