My hand turned me down
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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