hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
