You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
