Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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