I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
