she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
