Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
