there's paper in my vomit.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Randomize
