Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize