Screwed.edu
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
