You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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