Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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