i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize