Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
