youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
