Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
