She said her name was "party"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize