if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
