M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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