Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
