Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
