he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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