we have officially lost it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
