Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
