When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
