Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
