brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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