I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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