ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
