I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
