I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
