Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
