apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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