You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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