Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
