Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
