We named our party play list daddy issues
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is Oprah even human
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
