My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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