I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
