Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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