This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
