My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
