I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
