I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can't special order awesome
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
