she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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