you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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