Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
