Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
