For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
