I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
