Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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