sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
