Someone shit on the floor
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
