So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
