end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
id be glad to
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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