he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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