i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
