im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
