Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
