Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
