I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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