i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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