literally had 100 drinks last night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
