It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
