I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
