I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
