I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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