Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
