Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
