I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
